Denters. Esmée Denters.

Dutch popstar Esmée Denters has everything going for her and yet she is still underrated. She's vocally phenomenal. She's adorable as all hell but still relatable as the girl-next-door. She was discovered by posting videos of herself singing on YouTube, which millions upon millions of people listened to and loved. She's the first big protege of one Mr. Justin Timberlake. Tell me that doesn't sound downright 'Cinderella' to you.

Yet, for some reason, her career has yet to blow up even in the tinsiest bit to where it should be, other than in her home country of the Netherlands. My thought process is thus: Justin Timberlake is either the world's best slow-burn marketing maven, or something got lost in translation.

Debut single, "Outta Here", was a fun piece of pop to be sure, co-produced by Mr. JT (Whatcha Got For Me) himself. It doesn't quite knock you over the head with its amazingness, but it certainly showcases what Esmée is capable off. The song was released in the middle of last year in Europe and is just starting to trickle about here. Only now is it getting a true follow up in the UK, in the form of Toby Gad co-write "Admit It", which sounds a bit like a school-girly version of a JoJo's B-Side (in no way a bad thing, she in fact reminds me quite a bit of JoJo, I just want so much more in terms of ace material -- for her and JoJo both). 

Therein lies the rub: Ms. Denters simply isn't getting the right kind of material. I fear she's a bit typecast as the cutesy girl next door rather than the brash in-your-face pop diva she certainly could be. The album is yet to be released in the USA, but after hearing it in full, I stand by my thought process that much of it sounds like filler in comparison of what one would expect by a Timberlake protege who's got vocals to boast.

Enter RedOne, the producer of the moment thanks to his work with Lady Gaga. A brand spankin' new track, dubbed "007 On You" (like the James Bond movies, get it?), has surfaced -- it's intent unknown. I wanted to doubt it was a leftover cut from her debut, Outta Here, released back in May in select countries in Europe, so my money's on it being featured on the impending United States/North American release. However, sources are telling me it was in fact a demo, and was a co-write by Esmée and the Lady herself, written just before "Just Dance" took over the pop universe. Remind me again why it wasn't included on her debut set? Huh, JT?

The song is classic uptempo RedOne (RedOne...Esmée), along par of Pixie Lott's "Here We Go Again" or Jada's "American Cowboy" (although comparison's to "Poker Face" are less obvious). I agree that RedOne tends to save his best and more innovative stuff for Gaga or Kat DeLuna (who is also mired up in delays for her sophomore release) and this is another example of it, but at least "007 On You" features some suprisingly diva lyrics.

Trust me, I already know your type

You're just a man-ho

You're so predictable

Got on my white gloves

And my criminal kit

You'll be surprised

How I got you down

Even got your fingerprints

Sounds a bit more "CSI" than James Bond, but whatever floats your boat. As the chorus kicks up, the familiar everything-including-the-kitchen-sink RedOne danceswirl kicks in in a good way, but doesn't drown out her vocals which turn increasingly more confident and strong, like what we saw in "Outta Here" turned up a few notches.

I could totally see a 'Charlie's Angels' style music video for this, complete with JT as Charlie. On second thought, that might be a terrible idea. Still -- it may be kitsch to the enth degree, but what a fun track to groove to. How many other RedOne cuts can boast the lyrics "man-ho"? Yeah, that's right -- none. Check it out, below.

M-E-L-Ismatic

 

Brrrrraaaaahh! My first post-KPop-Special Post regarding New Evolution of the 21st Century, better known as 2NE1. The fierce foursome are following up their debut self-titled mini album that was released back in July with a bouncy, robotic new digital single after a series of solo and sub-group tracks.  The song is called  "따라 해봐요"  which roughly translates to "Try to Copy Me" or "Try To Be Like Me", and serves as a crosspromotional (a common occurrence with Korean Pop Music) with Samsung. Whether or not this will be part of their impending and expected sophomore release is undetermined as far as I can tell.

"Copy" follows up where their debut single "Fire" left off, complete with catchy hooks, vocal monotones and lots and lots of Auto-Tune. While my distaste for the excessive use of it has not changed, I do feel it kind of enhances the robotic, technological feel of the song -- a forward thinking kind of concept that is summed up in the group's name. Honestly, the song doesn't need an English translation, as the sheer girlpoweriness radiates off it in waves. 

One of the reasons why I like 2NE1 so much is they firmly walk the line between cute and feminine (which so many of the KPop girls rely on) and female empowerment and independence. Their songs are less cutesy and more like female versions of more "urban" sounding cuts done by boy bands. "Try To Copy Me" is hardly their best effort (and why should it be, it's an ad-placement single), but it's a fun one to groove while we wait for new music from them that grows in a good way as time goes on.

There are lots of fun bits to the song, especially rapper Minzy's call out hook "M-I-N-Z-Y, M-I-N-Z-Y" (for whatever reason, my hears register a similarity of this bit to Rihanna's "Hard" where she states, "Yep, you know this". Strange.). However, fierociousness hits a new level during the bridge. I'm not sure which member is singing (I'm guessing Minzy or CL, and if someone could enlighten, that would be great!), but there's this defiant "Brrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!" sound effect, and I swear I have listened to this song about five times back to back just to hear that bit again. You can hear the whole song here (the part I'm talking about is around the 2:18 mark), or watch the Samsung commercial which features a snippet of it below. Warning, cutesyness overload, Will Robinson. Please don't judge the song or the group based just on the commercial.

Oh My Gosh, Please!

Perhaps you remember her pipes from her days stuntin' with the funky garage trio Mis-Teeq. Perhaps you know her from the UK's version of the "I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here" freak-out fest. Either way, just don't call her an Alesha Dixon wannabe.

True, Sabz and Lesh (along with Su-Elise Nash) may have been pretty "Scandelous" back in the day (six years on and it still sounds bangin'), but Sabrina is on a whole new plane now. "OMG (Oh My Gosh)" is serving as her true debut as a solo artist, and it's pop kitsch to the max. It does what "The Boy Does Nothing" did for her former bandmate -- it's hooky with a repetitive chorus, it's dancey, it's pop with an edge, and it's fun fluff. "OMG" doesn't move mountains, but it doesn't need to. The lyrics are typical of the R&Pop female empowerment persuasion, complete with the hook of "Oh My Gosh, please!". So long as you're dancing, Sabrina has gained the upper hand. And it's sound is much more reminiscent of her girl group past than Alesha's entire album combined. That is a very good thing indeed.

For now, the song is due for impending impact on the UK markets, but buzz is starting to swirl about Sabrina getting snapped up by Lil Wayne's American-based Cash Money Records for a US release. The thought of a former member of Mis-Teeq having the potential to duet with my girl T Lopez makes me salivate at the possibilities. I stress that this prospect is all a rumor at this point, but as Kathy Griffin has said, that's good enough for me.

The song has serious legs on its own, and gets more and more catchy with every spin. But Sabz knows that in an age of Lady Gaga and Beyonce megavideos, you have to make a statement to be considered a fierce competitor. The video leaves Ms. Washington's true artistic identity a bit in question, as it's clearly three parts Rihanna (the glasses, the chains, the metallics), one part D.Woods (the hairstyle), two parts Beyonce (the bodysuits) and five parts Lady Gaga (the eyepatch, the shoulderpads, the discoball headpiece, etc. etc.), but there ain't no shame in proving you can hang with the best (in terms of popularity, creativity, and fearlessness at weirdness, at least).

Had this come out in 2008, it very well could have set the world on fire, but it didn't, so the jury's out if it will. Still -- a perfectly good pop song is a perfectly good pop song, and if you got it, flaunt it. And if you can flaunt it in fab, achingly tall heels with creepy, semi-androgynous backup dancers with chains, black lip stain and bob haircuts, the better, I suppose. Why not? 

Welcome back, luv. We Mis-Teeq Freaks missed you more than you realize. Check out the video below.

I'm honored that a version of this post appeared on my friend The Chemistry Is Dead's website. Go show them love! :)

Single and Fabulous. Yeah, I said it.

 

It's that time of year again. The time when all of the single people have murderous looks on their faces that is a mixture of jealous denial, cynical indifference and pure fed-up-ness at those in happy relationships as they frolick around on love's (or rather, Hallmark's) favorite day.

Bitter Banquet, Party of 1, much? Nah, I kid. Seeing as I'm spending this Valentine's sans a significant other, I've chosen to take a new slant on today's festivities. Whether you're "Since You Been Gone" or "My Life Would Suck Without You", "My Funny Valentine" or "My Bloody Valentine", "Endless Love" or "Owner of a Lonely Heart"; that part isn't what's important. What is important is you tell the ones around you -- your family and your friends -- how much you do care.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, would you (yes, you, dear reader) be my Valentine? I have Hersey's Kisses and chalky Hearts just sitting around and I wouldn't want them to go to waste. ;)

That said, I plan to spend today watching some 'Supernatural' (aka my fake Valentine, Jared Padalecki). Kisses, boo!

XOXO

Mel

PS - Happy Chinese New Year to those who celebrate it!

We Are the World, We Are the Children

I would be completely remiss if I didn't mention something about the mass artist charity event of the year that is the 25th Anniversary Cover of "We Are the World" (with all proceeds going to help the ongoing strife in Haiti). I'm proud how Quincy Jones and Lionel Richie managed to mix both veteran heavy-hitters and current superstars, of all genres in such a fast turnaround, and quite rightfully included vocals and imagery from the dearly missed Michael Jackson as supplied from the original. The inclusion of AutoTune, however, not so much (we're looking at you, Lil Wayne and T-Pain).

I don't know about anyone else, but I vividly remember first hearing the song during a music class in the 6th grade. My teacher felt it was necessary viewing (smart lady, still is -- I think I get some of my snark from her), and after watching a 'making of' special on VHS (yes, kids -- it does exist -- to think I went to middle school in an age before DVDs...I feel old -- I joke, I joke), she played the song and we all had to sing along (most of us begrudgingly). Most of us didn't realize then the impact of those lyrics. But I think everyone feels it's weight now.

Still, how you or I feel about the cover isn't truly what matters -- what's really at stake is the message within the song, and an attempt to get music listeners around the world to shell out $1.29 or its international counterpart in an effort to help those who need it most. These days, $1.29 isn't much, and what you get in return is a humble effort by an impressive number of musicians. Whether or not some of the artists should have been included is obviously not up to armchair DJs like you or I to decide -- what matters is they pulled their star power together to remind us that some things are just more important. Do yourself and another a favor today; stop by iTunes and give it a whirl.

PS - Apparently a Spanish version is in the works, to be produced by the Estefans. Can't wait!

PPS - How great is that promotional image? It's like the photographer asked everyone to look at him, and Barbara Streisand screamed "fire" in a crowded room so only she was looking. Doesn't Justin Bieber look photoshopped in, or is that just me? And apparently Vince Vaughn is this version's Dan Akroyd. Curious.

PPPS - You can watch the music video as premiered last night during the opening ceremonies of the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, here thanks to Billboard. (It's also where I snagged the image from, so thanks, BB!) Or, if you're so inclined, you can watch the original music video, produced in 1985 below. Either way -- please do stop by iTunes, and do the right thing.

Doncha Wanna See These Clothes By McQueen

 

You are who you wear, it's true...

Alexander McQueen...

Oooh, la la la

We love Designer 

 -- Lady Gaga, "Fashion"

I'm no fashionista in the truest of senses (nor have I ever claimed to be) but when I heard word earlier today of designer Lee Alexander McQueen's passing this morning, I felt a serious twinge of supreme sadness. The news couldn't have come at a more poignant time, as today marked the first official day of New York's famed Fashion Week. The news made up the vast majority of the New York City-based Trending Topics section on Twitter -- it was on everyone's lips. It was a shock of the worst kind -- one that inspired immediate and emotional responses from fashion fans of all levels and assortments, myself included.

McQueen epitomized fearless fashion of the avant guard variety -- most recently for much of his more inspired (and jaw-dropping) looks with Lady Gaga (including in the picture shown above). They also paired up for her epic "Bad Romance" music video as well as for several of Gaga's more infamous live performance outfits, including her all red ensemble from the MTV Video Music Awards this past September. McQueen was a tour de force in both the fashion and music worlds, and will always be remembered for his eye for color and willingness to take risks, regardless of public opinion. He created pieces that were more than just clothes, but art. If today showed us anything, it shows us how short life can truly be. Mr. McQueen, I hope you are at peace. RIP.

You will never fall apart

[Diana] You're still in our hearts

Never let you fall apart

Together we'll dance in the dark

-- Lady Gaga, "Dance In the Dark"

[WGO] Obsessed With the Mess That's...

+ John Mayer is a callous, offensive, pompous ass. But I'm guessing you have already heard. As much as I wish it all would go away (Mayer included), we're still talking about it, so I guess he wins, right? Feminist SoapBox Moment: If a woman said anything remotely close to what he said, the outrage that would ensue would hardly be forgotten and forgiven the following week like what will happen to Mayer. Just saying. He may have already apologized for part of the damage, but his lack of concern for the comments he made regarding ex Jessica Simpson further demonstrates how much of a sleeze his man continues to be. I wonder why women continue to find him attractive at all.

+ Sade is slated to steal the #1 spot on the Billboard 200 Album Chart for this upcoming week away from Lady Antebellum. Welcome home, girl.

+ Just when I thought my ire toward the changeups in my former favorite Brit girl group Sugababes couldn't get higher, the group have made the announcement that they will be having an album release party open to fans in the UK, in which tickets are fairly inexpensive considering their "catalogue". The sheer fact that Sweet 7 is seeing release at all continues to give me angry fits, but the fact that they are claming they are so "all about the fans" makes me see red all over again. Call me bitter, I don't mind. 

+ Rumors are swirling that Christina Aguilera's suspected first single off of her Bionic project, "Glam", is due for release (and therefore, premature leakage) very very soon. A fresh leak from La Augie also saw debut somewhat recently -- a suspected soundtrack cut from the musical glitterfest Burlesque dubbed "Spotlight" -- is fun fluff that sounds slightly reminiscent of the Back to Basics era (which I suppose will divide those who are psyched for Xtina's new project), but there is no substitute for the real thing, and the wait is starting to literally kill me. However, depending on who you talk to, the album is already suffering from the Double D Disease (Dreaded Delay, you pervs), thanks to extended shoots for the aforementioned film. Considering we've waited as long as we have, what's a few more weeks, but really, girl? Really?

+ Disney cutie Selena Gomez took a break from her Scene during a show in her home state of Texas to cover Selena's Spanish hit "Bidi Bidi Bom Bom". Kudos goes to Sel for going outside her comfort zone to tackle such a beloved song in a language which she is not fluent as far as I can tell (I could be wrong). Sel was named after the late Mexican-American singer, and has stated many times how much of an influence she has had on her. You can check out the one-off performance here (and see rumored ex-turned-current-boyfriend Nick Jonas watching in the audience).

+ Speaking of Nick J, his record with The Administration dropped last Tuesday, and shaped up at the respectable #3 position on the Billboard Top 200, behind Lady Antebellum and Lil Wayne. The album  turned out even better than I was hoping -- and I'm in the process of drafting a proper review. While I find Weezy's high numbers somewhat surprising considering the album leaked back in December, his passionate fanbase is undeniable, and I'm sure much of the devotion is due to the clever fact that the album was released right when Weezy's set to be sentenced for jailtime. Jokes on the courts (and America) -- as his sentencing was delayed due to a dental issue. Only in America, folks. Good to see we have our priorities straight regarding people who have indeed broken the law.

+ I'm hardly a big fanatic of The Bird & The Bee but when I heard word they were putting together a album collection of Hall & Oats covers, I'm not gonna lie -- I got really excited. Who else is psyched to hear minimalist covers of "Maneater" and "Private Eyes"?

+ My girls in The Saturdays are focusing on releasing their sophomore album Wordshaker "worldwide" and attempting to truly take their sound to a place where the Girls Aloud haven't. And yet, America is still not on the to-do list. ::le sigh::

+ Information is starting to shape up regarding an upcoming Keane EP which will feature my fave new rapper K'NAAN on a handful of cuts. I've known about this project for almost a year now, so I'm so excited to see the fruit of their unexpected collaboration. Hope it lives up to the hype!

+ I have secured tickets to Marina and the Diamonds debut performance in the United States, set for this March in nearby Brooklyn. Words cannot even begin to express how excited I am for this show -- expect tons to come in terms of concert reviewage/gushing, as well as a full album review of her record, The Family Jewels, as soon as I can bang it out properly.

Welcome to Hollywood

 

Tonight, I began my journey writing about 'American Idol's ninth season at HitPredictor.com's Resident Blog. You can visit me there every week for my thoughts on the upcoming season -- my critique on the season will be featured there exclusively, and I hope to have some really cool exclusives as well. ::rubs hands together:: I couldn't be more psyched for this new writing platform, and I'd appreciate ya'lls support! Head over now and join the conversation.

T Lopez Is Your New Pin-Up Girl

Many people know that I rep with real pride the three solo artists who used to be collectively known in the Latina quartet Soluna (those names being America Olivo, Jessica Castellanos-Peter and T Lopez), and the cogs are finally starting to turn toward the time where I get real, real gushy.

It was thanks to these four, along with Aurora Rodriguez who rounded out their four-piece but is no longer pursuing music to my knowledge, that I was forever changed in my early teen years to believe I could pursue my dream of promoting music. They didn't just treat me as a fan, but a friend. Over the years I spent promoting them, helming their official street team and running both the fansite Soluna Online and later their official website SolunaGirls.com, I not only got to meet them on several occasions, but was able to meet and befriend so many incredible fans who have in turn continued to be some of my more cherished friends. I'll be forever thankful to the four of them, and will continue to support them "For All Time".

(From Left to Right: America Olivo, T Lopez, Jessica Castellanos and Aurora Rodrgiuez)

I've spoken about America and Jessica before on separate occasions -- as America has seen a  little bit of limelight last year with the release of film "Friday the 13th" and her club single "Deja Vu", while Jessica has announced plans to release her solo album independently with production by Tynchy Stryder amongst others.

This post centers around my girl T Lopez, the youngest of the fierce Soluna foursome, who has been hard at work on her debut solo project since the Soluna split back in 2005. Most of the time has been docked with Birdman, Lil Wayne and the crew at Cash Money Records (which also includes the likes of Jay Sean amongst others). She also splits her time co-hosting a music show called "The Drop" on  latino television channel SiTV (select channels, or online at SiTV.com), and is set to appear in two upcoming feature films, "21 and a Wake-Up" and "April Fools".

(This picture was taken by YOURS TRULY at a three-day concert festival in Chicago back in 2004. It was featured on Soluna's official website, and is now in T's photo collection on her MySpace.)

Her promotional docket is finally starting to surface, and she premiered her debut solo single, "Breathe" (which features Weezy), back on New Years Eve in Los Angeles. The performance that night was her coming out party of sorts, as it also featured the world premiere of a brand new track called "Pin-Up Girl", which you can hear in the background of this interview, or see the live performance of below, but I warn you, the sound quality is not so hot (to put it mildly).

It feels like a flurry of info on T's project is starting to surface now, with the prospect of the album, which is set to be self-titled, due for release in "early 2010". It also is set to contain features by (in addition to Lil Wayne) Daddy Yankee, T-Pain, Timbaland, Flo Rida and Colby O'Donis (which you can hear on her MySpace). T has tour dates booked for Japan from April to May, so I'm so excited for this promotional train to start up again! 

T, if you're reading this -- girl, it's been far too long! You better hit me up when you paint New York sparkly red! You know I'll be there front row!

[WGO] May The Best Charity Single Win

+ Two monumental charity singles with proceeds to help benefit the citizens of Haiti will soon see release -- one produced by 'American Idol' judge Simon Cowell, the other produced by Quincy Jones. Let the battle of the Charity Singles Begin!

Cowell's offering is a cover of R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts". The original was released back in 1993. It features the likes of Mariah Carey, Jon Bon Jovi, Leona Lewis, Rod Stewart, Kylie Minogue, Robbie Williams, James Blunt, Michael Buble, James Morrison, Mika, Miley Cyrus, Alexandra Burke, Cheryl Cole, members of Westlife, Take That and JLS. A low-quality radio rip has leaked online after the song premiered over in the UK. I'm not too keen on the original to begin with, and I feel it's a bit of an indulgent song choice, but the heart is clearly in the right place, and it's always exciting to see stars pool their talents together for good.

However, the creme de la creme seems to be Jones' offering -- a 25th anniversary re-make of the quintessentially epic "We Are the World", first released back in 1985. The project was originally in the works before the devestating earthquake in Haiti, but it's intent was re-purposed in its wake, and was organized by Jones, Lionel Richie and Wyclef Jean. The talent list reads like a who's who in the music world with contributions by: Indie.Arie, Lady Gaga, Tony Bennett, Brandy, Toni Braxton, Zac Brown Band, Natalie Cole, Kid Cudi, Miley Cyrus, Celine Dion, Drake, Snoop Dogg, Earth Wind and Fire, Melanie Fiona, Jamie Foxx, Josh Groban, Keri Hilson, Julianne Hough, Jennifer Hudson, Enrique Iglesias, LL Cool J, Janet Jackson, the Jonas Brothers, Gladys Knight, Adam Levine of Maroon 5, members of Good Charlotte, Jason Mraz, Orianthi, P!NK, AR Rahman, Carlos Santana, Trey Songz, Jordin Sparks, Barbra Streisand, Robin Thicke, Rob Thomas, Usher, members of Black Eyed Peas, and members of the Beach Boys. 

Just writing that made my head spin. The song was recorded in Los Angeles over "Grammy Weekend", so it couldn't have been more convenient for all of these stars to spend their time together effectively. Can't wait to hear the end product -- which will make it's premiere alongside the 2010 Winter Olympics coverage.

+ Last week's Billboard 200 chart marked the first time an online only album release hit #1, thanks to the collective star power that was Hope for Haiti Now, featuring live performances from the Hope for Haiti telethon. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to knock Ke$ha's "Tik Tok" from the #1 spot on the Hot 100. This week, Lady Antebellum officially scored a Grammy bump in a big way, with their album Need You Now, debuting in the top spot, while Ke$ha continues her slog for a seventh straight week. Their single of the same name lands at #8 this week. Justin Timberlake and Matt Morris's beautiful turn with "Hallelujah" from Hope For Haiti Now is the Digital Gainer this week, landing at #13, and Justy's other "non" single with Timbaland, "Carry Out", sits just outside the Top 10 at #11. Now that it seems Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" won't become the #1 it was meant to be (thanks a lot, Ke$ha), "Telephone" waits eagerly in the wings, climbing to a new height this week to #19.

+ I find this talk of a Taylor Swift overnight backlash insanely hysterical -- and now even her label is getting on the offense. Big Machine Records CEO Scott Borchetta went so far as to say that Swift is "the voice of this generation", and that her live performance "issues" were due to an in-ear moniter issue. Weren't people sounding the alarm on the fact that singing live wasn't her forte for awhile now? He's making it seem like Grammy Night was her first vocal misstep which is about the biggest oversight a record exec can make. Someone certainly has a bad case of sour grapes. Taylor had an amazing year -- she won more awards than arguably necessary, got to perform with Stevie Nicks, embarked on a tour that sold out in minutes, and can say she had the biggest selling record of 2009. Why not stress that rather than pout that "this isn't 'American Idol'?" Because, Mr. Borchetta, if I should be so bold, that show is made up of people with "next-door appeal" just like Ms. Swift, and the majority are very vocally capable. And Kelly Clarkson agrees with me.

To add insult to injury, her latest single, "Weak New Version of 'Love Story'" "Today Was A Fairytale" from the Valentine's Day soundtrack, sunk from #2 last week to #22 this week. I would like to point out that Justin Bieber's latest single "Baby" debuted at #5 last week and has now sunk to #25, yet no one is claiming the onslaught of an apocalypse. Just saying.

+ I've compiled my list of most listened to songs in the month of January, and they are:

17. Muse - Uprising

16. Paul Oakenfold feat. Brittany Murphy - Faster Kill Pussycat

15. Kristinia DeBarge - Sabotage

14. Se7en - Them Girls

13. Snap! - Rhythm Is A Dancer

12. Marina & The Diamonds - Hollywood

11. Hot Chip - One Life Stand

10. Christian Kane - The House Rules

9. Mandy Moore - In My Pocket

8. Roisin Murphy - Mamma's Place

7. The Saturdays - Wordshaker

6. 2NE1 - Fire

5. 4minute - Muzik

4. V Sevani - Love Pop

3. Ellie Goulding - Under the Sheets

2. DJ Earworm - Blame It On the Pop (United States of Pop 2009)

1. Mini Viva - I Left My Heart In Tokyo

Grammy Got Run Over By A...

For those who are less aware, the Grammy Awards took place last night in Los Angeles. Every year, I, like many audiophiles, get some weird feeling that this means it is must-see-television, when in actuality, I could already tell the folks who I wanted to win, or thought deserved to win, would likely lose in favor or what is more successful saleswise, or what the typical Grammy Voter deems worthy (::cough::cough::). While Grammy Night 2010 did have some great points, the majority was a bit of a wash, so in an attempt to streamline a recap for those of you who couldn't be bothered, here's the sum-up in my eyes:

PERFORMANCES:

-Lady Gaga opened the show, complete with an introduction by Hairspray's Elijah Kelley with a sort of run-of-the-mill basically so-dead-it's-been-beaten-multiple-times-like-a-dead-horse "Poker Face", however, she then returns to the stage seconds later complete with morbid black piano and Elton John to perform a mashup of "Speechless", fused with Elton's hit "Your Song". It was the best performance in terms of originality, and the fact that it opened the show should show you -- the rest was kind of downhill from there.

-The other geniunely great performance belonged to none other than Ms. P!NK. She surprisingly performed "Glitter In the Air" -- I say surprising because the song, although beautiful and arguably one of her best period, has not been released as a single anywhere...yet. In a continuation of her Funhouse theme inspired by her most current album's title, she performed the song in this rather scandelicious white ribbon-laced bodysuit, while spinning high in the air like a member of Cirque de Soliei (not totally unlike her trapeze performance of "Sober" at the VMA's this past September). Then the performance took a whole different turn when she was dipped in water then again rose high and spun around, spraying the audience of awe-induced celebs like they were watching a Shamu Show at SeaWorld. Crazy.

-Beyonce chose to perform the most yawn-worthy (and arguably, the worst performing) single from the exhaustive I Am...Sasha Fierce album, "If I Were A Boy" (which, if I remember correctly, came out in 2008...no?), which strangely segued borderline-nonsensically into a rather un-inspired cover of Alanis Morissette's classic "You Oughta Know." The mashup would have been totally rockin' and awesome had Alanis been there to perform it with her, but she was not, and frankly, I find Ms. Fierce's penchant for dramatics a bit stale at this point. I would have been more impressed had she taken the song and put a bit of her own spin on it, but really, it sounded far too similar to Alanis's original -- and if given the option, I'd rather listen to that.

-God knows I love Taylor Swift and her blunt, honest, real, relatable songwriting. But girlfriend -- this whole Gee Willikers! I'm so shocked I won! schtick is starting to feel real thin. No question she deserved the accolades, I'm just growing a bit weary of her niceness persona when she is willing to spare no public venom for months on end about a boy who dumped her over the phone. I have high hopes for her potential from a musical standpoint, but I stand by my statement that her live voice is just not my cup of tea. That coupled with the fact I had to witness one of my favorites Stevie Nicks sing backup to the whine fest that is "You Belong With Me" made me shake my head in shame. At least give Stevie something stronger, like "Love Story". However, I am glad they chose to duet on "Rhiannon", rather than the overused "Edge of Seventeen" like I was expecting.

-The Michael Jackson tribute cover of "Earth Song" was a monumental letdown in my eyes. Set aside the fact that it was comically in 3D. Michael's music speaks volumes enough to need cheesy-looking paper glasses to make it come "alive" (although the shots of the various celebs in the audience watching with the glasses on was rather amusing in the wrong kind of way). The selection of tribute singers was random  at best, with contributions by Jennifer Hudson, Celine Dion, Smokey Robinson, Usher and Carrie Underwood. J-Hud and Carrie brought their power pipes without attempting to outshine the rest or dare I even say it Michael himself (we're looking at you, Usher. Really?). Overall, the whole thing felt very slapped together, and more than a little gratuitous in terms of a true memorial to the man who changed pop music forever. The same could be said about the inclusion of two of Michael's children, accepting an Achievement Award on his behalf -- but your heart just breaks for them, so it's impossible to say any ill.

-I've stated time and time again that I'm not much of a country person, but Lady Antebellum really impressed me with their performance, and it has encouraged me to give "Need You Now" another shot.

-I won't say anything about Jamie Foxx or the Black Eyed Peas performances other than this: this award show is supposed to represent congratulating truly inspiring performers and songs. Neither brought it. It's even sadder for the latter, who picked up a slew of awards, arguably more than deserved. Sure, I enjoyed The E.N.D. just as much as the next pop music aficionado, but to give it the distinction it received seemed a bit comical. I'll admit I enjoyed most of it (and Foxx's "Blame It") as guilty pleasure fare, but to see it broadcast in such blatant, Auto-Tuned monstrosity was shameful. And I wasn't even at the venue.

AWARDS:

-My boys in Kings of Leon achieved the biggest (happy) upset in a while with their win of Record of the Year for "Use Somebody" (again, came out in 2008, but whose counting?), over the four Goliath tracks Beyonce's "Halo", BEP's "I Gotta Feeling", Taylor Swift's "You Belong With Me" and Lady Gaga's "Poker Face". Obviously my vote was for Gaga, but if she couldn't win, I'm glad it was Kings of Leon. I know this win, along with another for Best Rock Performance by a Duo/Group, really rubbed old-school KoL fans the wrong way, but the way I look at it is this: at least their finally getting the recognition they deserved all along. Cheer up, Bitter Betty!

-Despite having an incredible 2009, Lady Gaga only took home two awards (Best Dance Recording for "Poker Face", and Best Dance/Electronic Album for The Fame), which felt a bit like baiting the fanbase to get her to attend and perform (not unlike the nomination of the Jonas Brothers last year for Best New Artist -- despite them being around for several years prior). "Poker Face" just winning Best Dance Recording was kind of like giving Whitney Houston an award because she looked really pretty this one time. But -- again -- at least she won something.

-Beyonce officially broke Alicia Keys record for most Grammy wins in one night by a female solo artist, with six total. I suppose some of them are deserved (I mean, who didn't dance around like a fool at least once to that "Single Ladies"?), but who the hell thought it was okay for her to win for a cover, or rather a copy of Etta James' version of "At Last" for Best Traditional R&B Performance? I get it, it's a Queen B world and we all live in it, but I think they were pushing it with that one. Where's Etta when you need her?

OTHER THOUGHTS:

-While I think the Ting Tings and even Keri Hilson were robbed of Best New Artist, Zac Brown Band won my respect for their performance.

-Stephen Colbert should have hosted the whole thing. His comments on Susan Boyle were funny, awful, sad, true and just plain wrong at the same time.

-Who thought it was okay to 1) invite Ke$ha, 2) invite Justin Bieber, 3) let them present, 4) let them present together, 5) let Bieber go off teleprompter? No. No, no, no. And we wonder why some people don't take American music seriously.

-I know I'm risking boos with this, but who else thought Joe Jonas looked strikingly, down-right sexy in that tux and glasses? I'm know I'm a Jonas Dork and everything, but it so couldn't have been just me. I'm just saying.

-Seeing Elton John decked out in Gaga's bejeweled stunna shades just about made my decade.

For videos of live performances, I now direct your attention to the lovely and incredible PinBoard blog, and their ace recap.